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2017-08-02

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Asterix Chez les Bretons [0 B]

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Put your backs into it, row
faster, or I'll throw you all in iron!

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Go Faster!

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Well come on. How do you like
your first wave, let's hear it.

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I really like the pirate's life captain!

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Well with us you're going to see
adventures like you never saw.

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We'll board Phoenician 's ships
and take their treasures!

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Yees!
- And Spanish's ships

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Yes!
- And British's ships!

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Yees!
- And Gaul's!

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Oh no!
- Never say Gaul, not on my ship!

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Evil eye, worse then hurricane
of all perils, they are the worst.

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A, ship. Ship!
- Where is she, look out, lets hear it

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On the po-, on the por-, on the port side.
- On the port side. Are they Gauls?

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No, ro-... ro-... ro-...
- The Romans!

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Oh wrong, Romans, I do say.

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Romans? It'll be a good booty!
They are numerous!

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Clear around lads and hurry, lets just
hoist the main sail, double the cock sail!

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Row for all your worth!

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We were lucky that it wasn't the Gauls.
- Yeah.

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Caesar we are insight of land, look there.

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Our invasion will start here, Rome must
conquer the Britons, they've invaded...

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the Gauls just once too often,
- It's sure thing, you can't miss, Caesar.

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You should go in and
conquer this little Britain.

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This great Britain, and the
Britons are very courageous too.

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For them as well as for us, history
will record this as the longest day.

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And God sent a favourable wind.
- We're off to a great start.

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Goodness, gracious,
a jolly sight, isn't it?

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Quite so, no doubt about that.

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We really ought to inform our chief.

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We are about to begin our invasion,
you'll maintain good order with strict...

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discipline for the greater glory of Rome
We are going to bombard their positions.

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Stand by Centurion, you will transmit
my order to the catapults.

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At your order sir.
- Don't move until I give the signal.

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Like a statue.

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The signal!
- Shoot!

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Make a note, I came and saw, and
I don't believe my eyes.

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I said in good order with strict discipline!

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Look there, they are going
to begin to play without us.

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Yes by George,
not terrible sporting is it?

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We shall await them
on the playing field.

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Fire!

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Attack!

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Let' go!

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I'll say, it's getting on for time.

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Getting on for time? What do you mean?
- My dear chap it's 5 O'clock.

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Where are they going by Jupiter?
- Walking out in the middle of the battle?

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Hey come back here.

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Bit of a sticky wicket what.
- I say I can do with a spot of hot water.

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Thank you, jolly good!
- I'll have some too.

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I say, can I have
just a spot of milk in it?

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Yes love you can.

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Look they are drinking...?
- Milk and hot water... savages.

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If you don't mind can
we get back to our battle.

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No question about it, were off for 2 day
- Sorry we are closed for the weekend.

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Make way, make way I have an
important message for General Crocerus.

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They all went away,
now what do we do?

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We'll never go back to Rome!
- I've had enough of this already!

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At this rate we won't get
back to Rome for ten years!

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Drinking hot water I mean,
they are not civilised.

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If we quit during our duty time, we'll
end up fighting during our meal times.

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To make spaghetti soup, you need
some good olives, and get some bacon...

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and some onions and slice them
into thin slices and...

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Silence!

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And simmer slowly!

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I tell you Caesar,
it's driving me crazy!

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The Britons stop every day
at five on the dot.

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So they won't be ready until tomorrow?
- Oh no sir, now it's not till Monday.

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Hey?
- Yes something they call their weekend.

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Gee, In that case...

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Crocerus!

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Here are my orders!

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From now on we start our battles at
precisely five o'clock and we go all day.

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All Saturday and Sunday, their weekend.

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Oh Caesar, you are a genius, where
do you get such tremendous ideas?

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Oh good shot.

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Forward legionaries,
for the glory of Rome!

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I say hardly the behaviour
of a gentleman.

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Imperial, centurions,
legionaries of Rome!

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Your Caesar is proud of you.
- Hooray!

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Rome is victorious
on both sides of the sea.

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Hooray!

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On that side my forward goal,
all Gauls I've conquered.

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Except for that village
still holding out.

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I know I just don't want
to go back there.

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And on this side it is Britons
I have conquer. All of them.

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All except for the ones
that won't surrender yet.

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One little bunch, I'll take
care of them, don't worry.

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I say, what worry you chief?
If I may say so.

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Yes, unless reinforcements arrive
soon I don't see how can we resist...

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I have a corking idea.

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I have a cousin in Gaul. As a matter of fact
his village never has been conquered...

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by the Romans, they have a magic potion
that gives them super human strength.

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Where might this village be?
- Why, in Britain.

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Morning, Cacophony.
- Morning, oh I feel a song, morning!

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Morning!
- Morning!

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Morning Blacksmith! Oh what the
strangest air you can smell it.

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As you can see it's nice.

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Nice fish for sale, fresh!
I guarantee it's fresh!

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You say so only in ignorance, my friend.
Your fish stink! I never smelled such...

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I dare you to come here and repeat that!
- Here I come, I am going to hit you...

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on your ear and on your feet!
- Take that!

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The only thing that stinks here is you!
- Oh a fight!

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A fight! Let me get in it!

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A fight! A fight! A fight!
- Let's get in it!

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Well I see that spring has returned.
- Yes the village is perking up.

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And what is it all about this time?
- Still fish!

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Still the same, it's a tradition.

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Obelix, you sick?
Don't you want to fight anymore?

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I gave it up.
- Why did you do a thing like that?

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I'm worried about Obelix, he's not
his usual self these days at all.

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Yes, let's go and see him.

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Now where were we, you fish stink.
- No my fish. Doesn't!

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Ah my foot.!

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Druid Getafix can't you
do anything for Obelix?

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What he needs is a Roman legion or two.
- He does? Why?

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So he can fight them, he hasn't done
any good Roman bashing for months.

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They are all off in Britain. That will
help him out, that's what he needs

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Excuse me, I do beg
your pardon gentlemen.

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I am a Briton and my name is Anticlimax.
- Anticlimax? My Briton cousin!

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Shall we shake hand?

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In actual fact I have come here to ask
your assistance against the Romans.

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Romans, where are they?
Where are the Romans, what?

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I would like you to meet Obelix,
my good friend.

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A friend of yours is a friend of mine. I'd
be proud if you 'd shake me by the hand.

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Nooooo, That is not what he meant!

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He asked me to shake him by the hand.

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He is my distant cousin from Britain,
they do not talk the same way we do.

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Jolly good show, quite,
I say, it has gone a bit numb.

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Well as it happens, our village is
surrounded by Roman soldiers.

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He's a cousin, so don't shake it
even if he asks you to.

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Asterix told me that.

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So we have taken the liberty of
requesting your assistance, all right?

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Yes well, we'd be happy to help you
against Rome, our great Druid Getafix

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will do up a magic potion for you.

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I had better prepare a whole barrel, I'll
be needing a lot of everything I need.

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I'm coming, I'll help you, I'm coming.

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Obelix you find honey, mead and carrots.
Can you remember that?

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Oh goodie, goodie.

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And I'll gather mistletoe
with a golden sickle.

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Obelix.
- What.?

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You call those carrots?

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Well I saw these wild boars and
anyhow it's lunchtime.

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There, this will give your village strength
as well as hitting all those Romans.

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I say I am most frightfully
grateful Druid Getafix.

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You're not too strong.

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We need a strong guy, only who?
- Who can carry a barrel of magic potion.

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Like someone who fell into the potion
when he was just a little baby.

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Oh, me, lets smash the Romans, lets
smash the Romans, lets smash the Romans.

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And here is a little magic potion, in case
you need it on the way, you never know.

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It's a very long voyage to Britain.

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I say what a spot of luck, having two
splendid chaps to go along with me.

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I wouldn't forget my little
Dogmatix now would I?

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Goodbye, good show!
Have a nice trip!

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Bring us a souvenir!

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Hey Asterix, we should have brought
some food, we'll get very very hungry.

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Whatever for, British food is all right. It
would be like taking coals to Newcastle.

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You really know how to row.

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It pays to row for Oxford, and then to row
for Cambridge, a chip off the old block.

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Now hear me lads, I had to rent this
ship and it's costing me a fortune...

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so take good care of it and stay
clear of any Gaul ship.

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As well as any Romans!

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A ship, a ship!
- Why, a ship?

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Are they Gauls?

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No they are Pho-... Pho-...
- Phoenician?

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Phoenician merchant ship. We're all rich.

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A pirate ship, oh my God we are lost!
- Abandon ship, all into the lifeboat.

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What lifeboat, I sold the lifeboat.
- You make a profit?

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Well!

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What am I seeing, Gauls, gal,
I mean Gauls, you better look.

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Pirates, oh goodie, goodie, goodie.
- Obelix, this is not the time.

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Oh, the fat Gaul!

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Fat? Who's fat?

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Right about-turn!

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I said right about-turn!

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I say, it appears that he is
acquainted with those pirates.

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Yes, they are old friends.

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Staying with you I've learnt to swim.
- I'm glad, just shut up and swim.

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Thank to you our lives are saved,
how may I show you my gratitude.

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Well I wouldn't think you'd want jewels,
the market is very bad for jewels.

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Don't thank us, we didn't do
anything, goodbye!

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Perhaps you would accept this small bag
of herbs from the mysterious Far East.

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Sure I'll give it to our Druid,
and like I said, goodbye.

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Farewell good Gauls! May you enrich
yourselves like a whole merchant ship...

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or like old gargoyle would say, for a bag
of useless herbs. Quite a profitable day.

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Good be to getting back to Gaul,
nice and quiet there, not like Britain.

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Once you've been through one of these
campaigns, it's easy anywhere else, right?

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Wrong, I'm stationed near a village in
Brittany and they are all a little crazy.

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Boat, a little boat ahead.

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No doubt some simple fisherman from
Gaul. Let's give them a scare right.

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We aren't supposed to take any risks.
- Risks?

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An armed Roman galley
against a little boat.

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It may be a little boat,
but they are Gauls.

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Wait till you hear what they
say when they see us.

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Board them, board this ship,
Romans, Goodie, goodie, goodie.

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They can't board us!

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Drink some of this quick!

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They're the Gauls of the village!

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Come back little Romans!
- Away!

200
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Come back little Romans!
- I want to go home!

201
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What is all this?

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00:12:24 --> 00:12:27
Nothing, just fog, that means
we are approaching Britain.

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00:12:27 --> 00:12:29
Then it's time to go back to our boat.
- Asterix we could take this big boat...

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Shht!
...to carry the magic potion all the...

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way to Brittany, it's a lot better
than the little one we have.

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Be quiet about the M.P.
- M.P.?

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00:12:36 --> 00:12:38
Never mind, we'll use our.

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Anymore Romans around?
- Only little old me!

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Any more Romans not around?

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00:12:47 --> 00:12:50
Why do they always try &
run away from me?

211
00:12:50 --> 00:12:52
Any more Gauls around?

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00:12:52 --> 00:12:54
Is there always fog like this in Britain?

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00:12:54 --> 00:12:58
Oh my goodness no, we only
have fog when it isn't raining.

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00:12:58 --> 00:13:04
Maybe they won't come back.
We'll repair our boat and won't talk!

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00:13:04 --> 00:13:08
We have to talk about one thing,
they are transporting a barrel...

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00:13:08 --> 00:13:11
of magic potion to Britain, I know
because I heard them. We have to go...

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to our superiors, turn the ship
around, sail to Britain. Captain turn!

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Aren't you exaggerating the power
contained in this magic potion?

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Oh no captain!

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00:13:26 --> 00:13:31
My little Dogmatix is getting wet, why
can't we dig a tunnel through Britain?

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00:13:31 --> 00:13:35
That is an idea I dig already, dig!
Dig! I dig a tunnel.

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I wish I could dig up something
to eat, I could eat a dozen wild boars.

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I shall take you to a good Inn, where
you can have your first meal in Britain.

224
00:13:45 --> 00:13:48
Here we are, the Jolly Boar.

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00:13:48 --> 00:13:52
Obelix don't stand in the rain.
You think they serve wild boar here?

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00:13:52 --> 00:13:57
What else, look there,
that means, the jolly boar.

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00:13:57 --> 00:13:59
Come in and dry off.

228
00:13:59 --> 00:14:02
Old chap, how smashingly delightful
to see you again, look here old bean...

229
00:14:02 --> 00:14:05
he's a Gaul, a cousin actually,
Asterix and his friend Obelix...

230
00:14:05 --> 00:14:08
could you prepare one
of your scrumptious meals?

231
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Your are in for a royal treat, ready!

232
00:14:11 --> 00:14:13
Oh wizard, and three
cracking good beers!

233
00:14:13 --> 00:14:16
He never said he was going
to give us a boar.

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00:14:16 --> 00:14:20
But you saw what he called this place?
- Not sure I did.

235
00:14:20 --> 00:14:25
Here you are, you first British beers.

236
00:14:25 --> 00:14:28
Isn't it warm enough?

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00:14:28 --> 00:14:30
I shall I have him take the chill off it.

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00:14:30 --> 00:14:34
Ah now it's just right.

239
00:14:34 --> 00:14:40
It's my speciality, boiled boar with
mint sauce, a bit of all right, enjoy it!

240
00:14:40 --> 00:14:43
Jolly boar? What's he call this?

241
00:14:43 --> 00:14:47
What's jolly about it?
- Eat it!

242
00:14:47 --> 00:14:51
As they say, when in Britain,
do as the Britons do.

243
00:14:51 --> 00:14:55
Don't stand on ceremony gentleman
I know you want more.

244
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Stand aside!

245
00:14:57 --> 00:14:59
I have an urgent message for General.

246
00:14:59 --> 00:15:02
Hail General Crocerus,
have I got bad news.

247
00:15:02 --> 00:15:06
What bad news have you got.?

248
00:15:06 --> 00:15:09
That potion will not arrive
at the rebel village.

249
00:15:09 --> 00:15:14
Issue orders to all of our patrols,
arrest one Briton, a barrel of potion,

250
00:15:14 --> 00:15:18
two Gauls and a little dog!

251
00:15:18 --> 00:15:22
You had better best drink up now,
it's near closing time, the Romans are...

252
00:15:22 --> 00:15:25
rather strict about that.

253
00:15:25 --> 00:15:27
Nearly closing time pub keeper.

254
00:15:27 --> 00:15:30
Exactly what I was telling this gents.

255
00:15:30 --> 00:15:33
Two beers now while we are waiting.

256
00:15:33 --> 00:15:36
Hey now wait a minute,
what's in that barrel?

257
00:15:36 --> 00:15:40
In the barrel...
- In the barrel there is more beer.

258
00:15:40 --> 00:15:44
Oh I was hoping it was Gaelic wine!

259
00:15:44 --> 00:15:47
If it was I would have confiscated
it but a barrel of warm beer. Yuk

260
00:15:47 --> 00:15:53
Drink it, go ahead before
it gets cold, it's an acquired taste.

261
00:15:53 --> 00:15:57
Is your village much further?
- We must cross Londinium.

262
00:15:57 --> 00:16:01
Londinium?
- Yes, it's our capital, old chap.

263
00:16:01 --> 00:16:06
Shh, Can you hear something?

264
00:16:06 --> 00:16:10
General Alaspis?
- Totallapsus!

265
00:16:10 --> 00:16:13
A message from General Crocerus,
arrest two Gauls a Briton...

266
00:16:13 --> 00:16:16
and a little dog, they have got a
barrel full of magic potion.

267
00:16:16 --> 00:16:21
That's warm beer!
- No thanks to Centurion I'm on my wagon.

268
00:16:21 --> 00:16:23
That's my wagon!

269
00:16:23 --> 00:16:26
Hey hold on, that's my wagon,
hey come back here you can't do this,

270
00:16:26 --> 00:16:29
I guess they can!

271
00:16:29 --> 00:16:33
Hey fatty you're driving on
the wrong side of the road.

272
00:16:33 --> 00:16:37
We're on the right side!

273
00:16:37 --> 00:16:42
Here in Britain we drive on the left
side of the road, that's right one!

274
00:16:42 --> 00:16:48
And I'm not fat, understand I'm not fat,
might be slightly chubby but I'm not fat!

275
00:16:48 --> 00:16:52
Anybody would tell you, I'm not fat.
Once and for all I'm not fat!

276
00:16:52 --> 00:16:56
Hey there they are, get them, attack

277
00:16:56 --> 00:16:59
The Romans!
- Where are they? Where?

278
00:16:59 --> 00:17:02
That a way!

279
00:17:02 --> 00:17:06
That a way!

280
00:17:06 --> 00:17:10
Ought to be jolly fine lawn if it is
properly mowed for another 2000 years.

281
00:17:10 --> 00:17:14
I say such behaviour is
altogether shocking.

282
00:17:14 --> 00:17:17
Don't let them get away.

283
00:17:17 --> 00:17:21
I say sir would you mind awfully
not treading on my lawn.

284
00:17:21 --> 00:17:25
By Jupiter, are you questioning the
army and authority of Rome?

285
00:17:25 --> 00:17:29
My lawn in smaller than your Rome is
but my peat is considerably harder...

286
00:17:29 --> 00:17:32
than your sternum is, I think.

287
00:17:32 --> 00:17:38
I've got some more bad news
for you General.

288
00:17:38 --> 00:17:40
Yes go ahead, what now?

289
00:17:40 --> 00:17:43
The Gauls have stolen the wagon
and are on the way to the village.

290
00:17:43 --> 00:17:45
Where did you see them?
- In Londinium.

291
00:17:45 --> 00:17:47
Ransack the city!
- Yes General.

292
00:17:47 --> 00:17:50
Confiscate all barrels, you understand?
- Oh yes General.

293
00:17:50 --> 00:17:53
When I catch those Gauls I'll boil
them and throw them to the lions.

294
00:17:53 --> 00:17:55
Yes general.
- I'll serve them with mint sauce.

295
00:17:55 --> 00:17:57
Yes General!

296
00:17:57 --> 00:18:03
Yuk, those poor lions.

297
00:18:03 --> 00:18:09
Be careful, there are many
patrols, lets hide the wagon.

298
00:18:09 --> 00:18:12
Not to worry, this chap is
a good friend of mine.

299
00:18:12 --> 00:18:15
Who is there?
Just open and I'll tell you.

300
00:18:15 --> 00:18:18
Anticlimax, what a fair
wind blows you in my way?

301
00:18:18 --> 00:18:24
Shh the town is full of Romans, there
are two Gauls, can you put us up?

302
00:18:24 --> 00:18:26
You've got Gauls, come in!
Take a load off your feet!

303
00:18:26 --> 00:18:30
Welcome my name is Samueltrix but
they call me Gaulix because I'm from...

304
00:18:30 --> 00:18:34
South Gaul, but the bottom
dropped out of the olive market.

305
00:18:34 --> 00:18:39
I hate to interrupt you old top, but the
fact is we have to hide this barrel.

306
00:18:39 --> 00:18:43
Very easy, nothing to it, I'll put it
down in the cellar along with my wine...

307
00:18:43 --> 00:18:47
from Gaul, and let me tell you, I've got
a little wine for you to taste.

308
00:18:47 --> 00:18:50
It's like liquid sunshine, from my
neighbour's shore from a humble village.

309
00:18:50 --> 00:18:51
They are crazy everything
with their mint sauce.

310
00:18:51 --> 00:18:54
But the Britons drink it with
their mint sauce.

311
00:18:54 --> 00:18:59
Asterix he isn't going to give us boar
with mint sauce, he wouldn't do that?

312
00:18:59 --> 00:19:04
I got genuine delicacies imported from
Gaul, wait till you see what I got.

313
00:19:04 --> 00:19:10
Since the early ships came,
sausages direct from Niece and Lyon...

314
00:19:10 --> 00:19:15
good smoked ham from Dijon,
take a whiff, it's a breath from home.

315
00:19:15 --> 00:19:18
Say could that be a patrol of Romans?

316
00:19:18 --> 00:19:22
A Roman patrol, that's what I say.

317
00:19:22 --> 00:19:25
In great Caesar's name, open the door!

318
00:19:25 --> 00:19:27
Just a second, get in there.

319
00:19:27 --> 00:19:33
You guys look like what the cat
dragged in lets have a little dignity!

320
00:19:33 --> 00:19:38
Hey come on! Open up!
What were you doing?

321
00:19:38 --> 00:19:41
I was heating up some beer.

322
00:19:41 --> 00:19:46
All right search the joint, we want
three guys, a barrel and a dog.

323
00:19:46 --> 00:19:48
Asterix?
- Shht!

324
00:19:48 --> 00:19:51
My stomach is getting hollow.
- Shht!

325
00:19:51 --> 00:19:56
Didn't find anybody Decurion but
there are a lot of barrels though.

326
00:19:56 --> 00:19:59
Confiscate all of them.
Take them to the palace.

327
00:19:59 --> 00:20:04
I went to all the trouble to get all these
wonderful wines imported!

328
00:20:04 --> 00:20:10
And you take them all away from me!
I'll never seen them again!

329
00:20:10 --> 00:20:15
You will see us again, if your name is on
the one with the magic potion, I only...

330
00:20:15 --> 00:20:21
hope you aren't hiding the one we're
looking for, you should have stayed home!

331
00:20:21 --> 00:20:26
I can't stand it, nothing to drink,
I'm ruined, ruined.

332
00:20:26 --> 00:20:31
Oh no there's still plenty to eat.

333
00:20:31 --> 00:20:34
There you are General, all the barrels
from the whole city, are there!

334
00:20:34 --> 00:20:38
Have our soldier's taste what's in every
single one, so we know which one...

335
00:20:38 --> 00:20:41
of them contains the magic potion.

336
00:20:41 --> 00:20:44
Carry out your orders!

337
00:20:44 --> 00:20:50
Soldiers of Rome, your duty is before
you, you drink to taste and you report...

338
00:20:50 --> 00:20:56
anything unusual, prepare to attack!
Now in good order and discipline!

339
00:20:56 --> 00:20:59
Open barrel!

340
00:20:59 --> 00:21:01
Dip cup! Withdraw cup.

341
00:21:01 --> 00:21:03
Drink!

342
00:21:03 --> 00:21:06
Advance a step!

343
00:21:06 --> 00:21:09
Open barrel!

344
00:21:09 --> 00:21:11
Dip cup! Withdraw cup!

345
00:21:11 --> 00:21:14
Drink!

346
00:21:14 --> 00:21:18
We have to get that barrel before
the Romans locate the magic potion,

347
00:21:18 --> 00:21:22
is the palace very far away?
- No, not at all, just a few hundred feet.

348
00:21:22 --> 00:21:24
Whose feet?

349
00:21:24 --> 00:21:28
The Romans measure in paces,
here we measure in feet.

350
00:21:28 --> 00:21:29
Do you count everyone's feet?

351
00:21:29 --> 00:21:34
In actual fact there are six feet in one
Roman pace, old chap.

352
00:21:34 --> 00:21:36
These Britons are crazy.

353
00:21:36 --> 00:21:42
Legionaries, withdraw cup!

354
00:21:42 --> 00:21:48
Who wants to fight me?
Come on! Take that.

355
00:21:48 --> 00:21:53
Gaulix, grosslix, Gaulix!

356
00:21:53 --> 00:21:59
Here I haven't tried this one yet.

357
00:21:59 --> 00:22:04
Not bad at all.
How about letting me taste that one?

358
00:22:04 --> 00:22:08
No it's mine, get lost, it's my barrel,
it's my barrel, no tasting from my...

359
00:22:08 --> 00:22:11
barrel, I'll show you, I'm the strongest.

360
00:22:11 --> 00:22:16
Anyone who drinks some of mine
is going to get it!

361
00:22:16 --> 00:22:20
Because I am the strongest!

362
00:22:20 --> 00:22:23
Is it much further?
- A hop skip and a jump. But I fear...

363
00:22:23 --> 00:22:26
the sentries might make it awkward.
- We will bump them on the head.

364
00:22:26 --> 00:22:28
That is a good idea.

365
00:22:28 --> 00:22:31
Hi there!

366
00:22:31 --> 00:22:35
We are the, we have come
here to... Thanks.

367
00:22:35 --> 00:22:38
These Romans are really crazy!

368
00:22:38 --> 00:22:43
Does anybody else want a taste out
of my barrel, well come on try it.

369
00:22:43 --> 00:22:47
Come one! Dare you! I am
the Olympic champ, nobody else?

370
00:22:47 --> 00:22:49
What went on here?

371
00:22:49 --> 00:22:54
Come on, hey there you two fat guys,
come on I'll be waiting...

372
00:22:54 --> 00:22:58
There's not two fat guys, there's
only one and he's not fat.

373
00:22:58 --> 00:23:03
Look here Obelix, Gaulix Gaulix
there are all his barrels.

374
00:23:03 --> 00:23:06
Only which one is the right one?
- Let's taste them and see.

375
00:23:06 --> 00:23:09
We can't stay here, its dangerous.

376
00:23:09 --> 00:23:10
It's dangerous but it's good.

377
00:23:10 --> 00:23:14
Come on help me load all of these
on the cart, stop drinking.

378
00:23:14 --> 00:23:18
Obelix, I said do not drink,
help bring the barrel.

379
00:23:18 --> 00:23:23
The most important thing
is not to attract any attention.

380
00:23:23 --> 00:23:26
Obelix don't sing, cut it out.

381
00:23:26 --> 00:23:32
Why do you talk to me like that?
You don't love me any more Asterix.

382
00:23:32 --> 00:23:37
Of course I love you, but if your song
will attract every Roman in town.

383
00:23:37 --> 00:23:42
I love you Asterix, and when the
start to touch a hair on your head

384
00:23:42 --> 00:23:46
I'll turn their heads to mash potatoes

385
00:23:46 --> 00:23:49
Oh dear yet another patrol of Romans.

386
00:23:49 --> 00:23:53
That's the rock and roll Roman patrol,
don't touch my friend Asterix!

387
00:23:53 --> 00:23:56
Don't touch a hair on his head!

388
00:23:56 --> 00:23:59
A Gaul, he could be the one
we're after. He'd better watch it.

389
00:23:59 --> 00:24:03
Arrest him in the name of Caesar.
- Here we go again.

390
00:24:03 --> 00:24:07
Tallyho.

391
00:24:07 --> 00:24:13
An unattended cart, how fortunate
for an unattended cart thief.

392
00:24:13 --> 00:24:16
Bash the Roman noses.

393
00:24:16 --> 00:24:22
Asterix, I'm getting sleepy.

394
00:24:22 --> 00:24:26
Poor Obelix, the wine went to his head.

395
00:24:26 --> 00:24:28
He'll have a headache.

396
00:24:28 --> 00:24:31
What, what's wrong.

397
00:24:31 --> 00:24:34
Isn't that our cart?

398
00:24:34 --> 00:24:38
Yes it is, we'll see to that later.
Let's get Obelix over to Gaulix's.

399
00:24:38 --> 00:24:43
That mangy hound.

400
00:24:43 --> 00:24:48
Legionaries!

401
00:24:48 --> 00:24:53
You're the dregs of the Roman army,
you're nothing but barbarians,

402
00:24:53 --> 00:24:56
you're a bunch of nothings!

403
00:24:56 --> 00:25:01
When Caesar hears about this,
he'll feed you all to the lions!

404
00:25:01 --> 00:25:05
I don't mind being fed to the lions
if only he wouldn't shout.

405
00:25:05 --> 00:25:06
What?

406
00:25:06 --> 00:25:10
The only ones that are still missing
and those belonging to Gaulix.

407
00:25:10 --> 00:25:12
Search his place and arrest
anyone there, think you can do that?

408
00:25:12 --> 00:25:16
What?

409
00:25:16 --> 00:25:20
Well, poor Obelix, no wonder he
was thirsty, he had all of my sausages,

410
00:25:20 --> 00:25:24
salted cuts, my smoked cured hams,
as well as my anchovies.

411
00:25:24 --> 00:25:29
Just let him sleep, we'll go
look for the cart, right, let's go!

412
00:25:29 --> 00:25:34
We have gone round and round in this
town, where could he hide it?

413
00:25:34 --> 00:25:39
I say cousin, you see what I can see?
- Gaulix, what a stroke of good luck.

414
00:25:39 --> 00:25:44
There isn't much wine around, the Romans
have confiscated it. A little taste?

415
00:25:44 --> 00:25:49
No, just wine.
- What did you think, I am a wine seller.

416
00:25:49 --> 00:25:52
Wine seller, where did you get it,
I mean Gaulix isn't your name?

417
00:25:52 --> 00:25:56
I have an excellent fellow who sells it
but actually I can't reveal his...

418
00:25:56 --> 00:26:00
Who is that fellow?
- Mister honest Fiddlesticks, I don't

419
00:26:00 --> 00:26:03
know where he bought that wine from,
he lives at via Bandit 16.

420
00:26:03 --> 00:26:07
16 Via Bandit, another spot of
good luck, it isn't all that far.

421
00:26:07 --> 00:26:10
Right now we have to go and get Obelix.

422
00:26:10 --> 00:26:15
We are frightfully indebted to you.
- Jolly glad that I was of any help.

423
00:26:15 --> 00:26:19
It looks like an army
has marched through here.

424
00:26:19 --> 00:26:21
Psst!
- What?

425
00:26:21 --> 00:26:25
It was the Romans, they searched the
place, destroyed it and they took...

426
00:26:25 --> 00:26:29
Gaulix away with a large snoring Gaul.
- Where?

427
00:26:29 --> 00:26:33
To prison, the tower of Londinium.

428
00:26:33 --> 00:26:36
No Obelix, a prisoner of the Romans.

429
00:26:36 --> 00:26:38
Where am I?

430
00:26:38 --> 00:26:42
In the tower of Londinium, nobody
ever escapes the day they die.

431
00:26:42 --> 00:26:47
Even if they cook us in a mint sauce,
I wouldn't say anything, not one word.

432
00:26:47 --> 00:26:51
Shall I tell these Roman don't worry!

433
00:26:51 --> 00:26:56
Oh don't shout, it hurts too much.

434
00:26:56 --> 00:27:01
Where is Asterix? We mustn't stay here,
Asterix is going to worry, he always...

435
00:27:01 --> 00:27:06
worries about me, I had better go and
find Asterix, the sooner the better.

436
00:27:06 --> 00:27:09
Anyway I need a little fresh air.

437
00:27:09 --> 00:27:14
You are a little crazy,
you forget the chains.

438
00:27:14 --> 00:27:16
Are you attached to these chains?

439
00:27:16 --> 00:27:22
If you want this door to stay the way it is,
you'd better open up, we're leaving.

440
00:27:22 --> 00:27:25
I warmed you, let's go Gaulix.

441
00:27:25 --> 00:27:31
Obelix where are you?
- I'm down here Asterix, I'm coming up.

442
00:27:31 --> 00:27:34
No, no I'm coming down.

443
00:27:34 --> 00:27:39
Oh no he's coming back up

444
00:27:39 --> 00:27:43
Very educational, a visit to the tower
of Londinium, wouldn't you say?

445
00:27:43 --> 00:27:46
Honest Asterix, I'm really
sorry about all this.

446
00:27:46 --> 00:27:49
You didn't do anything Obelix, nothing.

447
00:27:49 --> 00:27:53
I'm glad he didn't do anything,
imagine what he could have done?

448
00:27:53 --> 00:27:59
What, got away?! Now you listen,
find them or I'll drown you in warm bee.

449
00:27:59 --> 00:28:05
And stop breaking all my statues.

450
00:28:05 --> 00:28:11
Gauls, drunken Gauls, broken statues,
it's too much for one little General!

451
00:28:11 --> 00:28:15
Have I got a wine for you and the
price is right you know what I mean...

452
00:28:15 --> 00:28:19
a good deal, I can throw
a cart into the bargain,

453
00:28:19 --> 00:28:22
how many was that you wanted?
Just one.

454
00:28:22 --> 00:28:27
Decurion, can we arrest them.
- Not yet, we watch them.

455
00:28:27 --> 00:28:32
You're a lucky lad, wait till you taste it
you'll be glad you did business with me.

456
00:28:32 --> 00:28:35
It's been quite a good day.

457
00:28:35 --> 00:28:40
That dog again! I'll get it!

458
00:28:40 --> 00:28:44
Come over here nice little doggie
I'll get rid of you once and for all.

459
00:28:44 --> 00:28:50
Thank God we have the right
number, they all look alike.

460
00:28:50 --> 00:28:52
There it is.

461
00:28:52 --> 00:28:58
It says xvi.
- No it's a number, it's 16.

462
00:28:58 --> 00:29:03
They are crazy these Britons!
- They are Roman's numerals.

463
00:29:03 --> 00:29:07
I knew these Romans are crazy.

464
00:29:07 --> 00:29:12
I say!
- Calm, they will explain their behaviour.

465
00:29:12 --> 00:29:17
It seems we have made an error, is this 16?
- In actual fact, this is 17, unfortunately...

466
00:29:17 --> 00:29:23
one of the 'I' has dropped off, what is
left is 16 and there's an end to it.

467
00:29:23 --> 00:29:29
We are so awfully embarrassed.
- Well, you're welcome!

468
00:29:29 --> 00:29:34
Will you remind me to put back that
blasted 'I', I believe I will have a cup...

469
00:29:34 --> 00:29:39
of boiled water with a spot of milk,
so good with our boiled meat.

470
00:29:39 --> 00:29:43
XVI, we are wrong again.

471
00:29:43 --> 00:29:46
This is it.
- If you say so.

472
00:29:46 --> 00:29:50
Dogmatix!

473
00:29:50 --> 00:29:53
Who are you, what right have
you got barging in here?

474
00:29:53 --> 00:29:56
What have you been doing
to my little doggie?

475
00:29:56 --> 00:30:00
Are you the one who stole Gaulix's wine?
- Oh no, you've got the wrong bloke.

476
00:30:00 --> 00:30:03
Then what is this?

477
00:30:03 --> 00:30:06
No it is just wine, so where is the rest?

478
00:30:06 --> 00:30:08
You're gonna talk!

479
00:30:08 --> 00:30:13
Have you noticed how uncommonly
noisy our neighbours are today?

480
00:30:13 --> 00:30:15
Oh quite, milk in your hot water?

481
00:30:15 --> 00:30:18
You talk, you talk, you talk.

482
00:30:18 --> 00:30:24
You know I do hope he does talk,
he's making a dreadful racket.

483
00:30:24 --> 00:30:29
I'll talk, I'll talk, I'll talk.
- He has made a corking good decision.

484
00:30:29 --> 00:30:33
I'll give you a list of all my customers
and of everything I stole this year.

485
00:30:33 --> 00:30:36
The first name on the list is
Caledonium, what is that?

486
00:30:36 --> 00:30:41
They are playing against Durovernum
for the 5 aside championship.

487
00:30:41 --> 00:30:45
Shall we arrest those Gauls?
- No they haven't got the barrel yet.

488
00:30:45 --> 00:30:51
We will all off to the game,
Oh I say jolly exciting!

489
00:30:51 --> 00:30:56
As civilians they won't recognise us.
- The Decurion said dress like civilians.

490
00:30:56 --> 00:30:59
Yes so I'm dressed like a civilian.

491
00:30:59 --> 00:31:02
Tell me cousin, what do they
do in this game, is it complicated?

492
00:31:02 --> 00:31:08
Quite a simple game really, the chaps
are in two teams of 15 each and they...

493
00:31:08 --> 00:31:12
use a jolly old pumpkin in the shape
of an orange, now the object is...

494
00:31:12 --> 00:31:16
to propel the pumpkin as best you can,
all the way to your opponent's goal.

495
00:31:16 --> 00:31:19
I say the Caledonian bagpipes,
we are in for a treat.

496
00:31:19 --> 00:31:22
And that is the sacred goose,
folklore and all that.

497
00:31:22 --> 00:31:27
And there's the sacred
hen of Durovernum.

498
00:31:27 --> 00:31:33
Here come the players.

499
00:31:33 --> 00:31:39
He's the druid umpire, he signals the
kick-off and then they start the game.

500
00:31:39 --> 00:31:44
That is an intelligent game,
we ought to play this in Gaul.

501
00:31:44 --> 00:31:48
That's a penalty, unnecessary roughness.

502
00:31:48 --> 00:31:53
Look He's only pretending.
- No he's not pretending!

503
00:31:53 --> 00:31:56
Stretcher!

504
00:31:56 --> 00:31:59
Look that could be the right stuff.

505
00:31:59 --> 00:32:02
Here we go, Hipihiphurras
have a bit of this.

506
00:32:02 --> 00:32:05
Now we will see if it is the magic potion.

507
00:32:05 --> 00:32:09
Hey there lad, Aren't you the one that
smashed in my head on my whack.

508
00:32:09 --> 00:32:14
It's not whether you win,
it's how you play the game.

509
00:32:14 --> 00:32:16
It is the magic potion, let's go cousin.

510
00:32:16 --> 00:32:20
He actually scored a try, good chap,
now I'll say he'll try for the conversion.

511
00:32:20 --> 00:32:25
And what are you doing down here?
- I got hit by this one crazy bird.

512
00:32:25 --> 00:32:29
Legionaries in civilian dress, get them!
- Me too?

513
00:32:29 --> 00:32:34
I will buy this barrel
- We need it for the players, they 're thirsty.

514
00:32:34 --> 00:32:38
I seize it for Caesar!
- Romans Hey Obelix!

515
00:32:38 --> 00:32:41
Here I come.

516
00:32:41 --> 00:32:44
Stop that bloke!
He don't stand a chance!

517
00:32:44 --> 00:32:45
Bring back my barrel!

518
00:32:45 --> 00:32:51
Obelix, old boy might I suggest you return
the pumpkin so they can get on with it.

519
00:32:51 --> 00:32:57
Do I have to?
- A little help, legionaries!

520
00:32:57 --> 00:33:03
Oh what frightfully good luck chaps,
in an hour we should be in my village.

521
00:33:03 --> 00:33:07
I Say that wouldn't be a
Roman galley, would it?

522
00:33:07 --> 00:33:10
I think you've got option left, surrender.
- We will never surrender

523
00:33:10 --> 00:33:14
Oh, okay... Cast the first stone

524
00:33:14 --> 00:33:18
Good shot you hit the barrel.

525
00:33:18 --> 00:33:21
Have I got good news for you.

526
00:33:21 --> 00:33:26
The potion has been destroyed, all of it
in the river, we drowned all of them.

527
00:33:26 --> 00:33:31
At last success, that's splendid.
Move all of our forces to Artelus at once!

528
00:33:31 --> 00:33:35
We attack that village at dawn.

529
00:33:35 --> 00:33:38
This time the Roman win I guess.

530
00:33:38 --> 00:33:42
I sure want to bash a good Roman or two.

531
00:33:42 --> 00:33:46
I say, all this is just a bit unfortunate
for my village isn't it, pity.

532
00:33:46 --> 00:33:51
Even if we don't have our magic potion
we can still defend your village

533
00:33:51 --> 00:33:55
against the legion of Romans, right,
look now I'm talking like you.

534
00:33:55 --> 00:34:01
It just doesn't seem fair, to get so close,
after all we've been through, all our...

535
00:34:01 --> 00:34:06
adventures, Romans and pirates
and Phoenician and all for nothing.

536
00:34:06 --> 00:34:09
Wait. Phoenician, I have an idea!

537
00:34:09 --> 00:34:14
What is that?
- To the village, quick!

538
00:34:14 --> 00:34:18
The Romans will be attacking
any time now and still no word...

539
00:34:18 --> 00:34:22
from Anticlimax, it's getting serious,
there's no hope, we're lost.

540
00:34:22 --> 00:34:26
Oh I say shhhh.
- Dogmatix you be quiet now, shh

541
00:34:26 --> 00:34:29
Halt ho goes there?

542
00:34:29 --> 00:34:32
We'll die a sword in hand, with a smile.
- You're dam right!

543
00:34:32 --> 00:34:35
Hello hello!

544
00:34:35 --> 00:34:39
Anticlimax, I'm besides myself with
worry, I can't tell you how glad I am!

545
00:34:39 --> 00:34:44
Dear lad welcome back.
- Actually I'm rather glad to be back.

546
00:34:44 --> 00:34:47
Well lets not get carried away.
Have you got the potion?

547
00:34:47 --> 00:34:51
Right here, I will make it up.

548
00:34:51 --> 00:34:56
Splendid, good show,
I shall go and assemble the men.

549
00:34:56 --> 00:35:02
We haven't got it, how are you going to?
- Can you make the magic potion?

550
00:35:02 --> 00:35:06
Oh I see, you will use your herbs.
- I will explain it all later.

551
00:35:06 --> 00:35:12
Now Obelix go get some water.
- That's right, don't tell me anything!

552
00:35:12 --> 00:35:17
I'm always fetching and carrying,
get this, get that...

553
00:35:17 --> 00:35:20
Legionaries!

554
00:35:20 --> 00:35:26
Attention, our enemies have lost
their secret weapon, a magic potion,

555
00:35:26 --> 00:35:31
the Gauls will not assist them,
now we will face absolutely no danger.

556
00:35:31 --> 00:35:34
It will be a real pleasure,
we'll enjoy this one.

557
00:35:34 --> 00:35:36
Well I guess it's ready.

558
00:35:36 --> 00:35:39
I can honestly say it's delicious.

559
00:35:39 --> 00:35:44
Now we just sit back and wait for
the Romans to attack.

560
00:35:44 --> 00:35:49
Would you mind awfully if
I had a spot of milk in potion?

561
00:35:49 --> 00:35:54
Legionaries! Form a square!

562
00:35:54 --> 00:35:57
Ready to attack! Form a triangle!

563
00:35:57 --> 00:36:01
Attack them!

564
00:36:01 --> 00:36:05
Halt there! We are here Romans.

565
00:36:05 --> 00:36:07
And we've eaten our magic potion.

566
00:36:07 --> 00:36:10
Who said you could form into a circle?

567
00:36:10 --> 00:36:14
He says they've got the magic potion!
- I know them, they are crazy these Gauls!

568
00:36:14 --> 00:36:18
I don't mind fighting when we
win but this is ridiculous!

569
00:36:18 --> 00:36:22
Beans must be cooked with tiny little
slices of cured bacon, not too much...

570
00:36:22 --> 00:36:25
then you need cheese and that's all.

571
00:36:25 --> 00:36:29
Now cut that out, attack!

572
00:36:29 --> 00:36:34
You heard him, attack, obey your chief,
go on, come on attack!

573
00:36:34 --> 00:36:36
If you don't attack us then
we will attack you!

574
00:36:36 --> 00:36:41
Obelix they are only guests here.
- I know, then guests first!

575
00:36:41 --> 00:36:44
They are coming
- Is it too late to get a transfer?

576
00:36:44 --> 00:36:48
Hey my teeth! Ah too late!

577
00:36:48 --> 00:36:53
Re-enlist, they told me, a chance
to see the world all I see is stars.

578
00:36:53 --> 00:36:59
You are a disgrace,
made me look like a fool.

579
00:36:59 --> 00:37:05
Thanks to you Asterix and your magical
potion we beat them at their own game.

580
00:37:05 --> 00:37:09
Well you know it wasn't exactly
genuine magic potion.

581
00:37:09 --> 00:37:15
I rather thought so. But all my warriors
felt strong as Gods and that is courage.

582
00:37:15 --> 00:37:21
Send me some more of those herbs and
I will declare it our national beverage.

583
00:37:21 --> 00:37:26
I say, we'll hold a feast I your honour,
prepare all our specialities, boars...

584
00:37:26 --> 00:37:32
with mint sauce and we'll have mounds
of beer all heated till it is just right.

585
00:37:32 --> 00:37:36
No let's go home.

586
00:37:36 --> 00:37:41
Thank you we would like to stay but
he is too hungry, come over and see us.

587
00:37:41 --> 00:37:44
Obelix wait for me.

588
00:37:44 --> 00:37:48
I say that's what I call a Gaul,
of course they are Gauls.

589
00:37:48 --> 00:37:53
There are Gau-... Gau-, anyway they are
coming so fast, we won't see them.

590
00:37:53 --> 00:37:56
There's Gauls you say?

591
00:37:56 --> 00:37:59
Asterix what is that pirate captain doing?

592
00:37:59 --> 00:38:04
This time I won, you're
too late to sink my ship!

593
00:38:04 --> 00:38:07
These pirates are crazy.

594
00:38:07 --> 00:38:12
Oh So you gave them something hot?
- Yes I did, that Phoenician herbs.

595
00:38:12 --> 00:38:16
I've still got some, Druid Getafix,
have you ever seen such a herb?

596
00:38:16 --> 00:38:22
Oh yes, it's called tea. It'll never
catch on, these English, no these Britons.